Monthly Archives: April 2016

I look at Jesus on the cross and I see someone who wants to die. What do you see?

Religion is bizarre. I just imagine how I’d feel if I was crucified. I’d want to die to end the pain.

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Why should the healthcare profession have anything to do with suicide?

Their influence ruined the suicide system and thereby contributed to the ruination of so many suicidal lives.

Obviously they offer treatment and treatment helps some people but there’s little there for those who don’t respond to treatment. Drugs are available quickly but take time to work. Talking therapies help those who eventually get access to them but these aren’t a panacea.

But why is healthcare even involved at all?it’s because of the bizarre mistake which confused human emotions and mental states with diseases of the brain. The creation of psychiatry is a mistake and all that came from it is fruit of the poisonous tree.

Even today I see references to psychological illnesses but there’s no such thing. Illnesses are biological. Psychology isn’t about biology but biological influences can affect how we think, feel and react.

Throughout this blog I’ve tried to explain suicidal ideation as a psychological state. It is an extreme psychological pain but it is not an illness. I’ve explained how suicidal ideation a tragedy when it’s created and it’s unacceptable that anyone should suffer so much without hope but this doesn’t make it an illness either.

A big problem is that the social causes are ignored so there’s no attempt to prevent people from becoming suicidal. It’s not seen as a state of profound mental pain and desperation to end it so no genuine suicide prevention happens. Instead it’s seen as an Irrational symptom and the decision to die is given no legitimacy. The suicide prevention which the healthcare system uses is solely focused on stopping successful suicides and blocking all access to desirable suicide methods. This simply worsens the pain as does the use of imprisonment in psychiatric hospitals and other forced treatment. No attempt is made to protect any individual’s will to live.

The use of force and imprisonment is legal because of the idea that suicide is the result of a brain malfunction. So is the blatant error which fails to conceive of the essential necessity of protecting an individual’s will to live. The healthcare system traps suicidal people in the hell where they want to die but are forced to live by direct and indirect means.

What’s perhaps worse is the way modern society and culture have evolved to become ever harsher and indifferent to the basic human need to be protected from becoming suicidal. The healthcare profession got it totally wrong so more people want to die and there’s more suffering for everyone.

Yet doctors who kill themselves have clarity. Their privilege is to be able to decide to die then die well. When a doctor chooses to die they might choose to try treatment or not. Either way they’re still able to have a quick, peaceful suicide which is guaranteed to succeed. When a doctor chooses to die they don’t think it’s because they have a brain disease. They don’t actually like it’s a brain disease. They choose their death because of their profound suffering and the hopelessness.

The truth is that the healthcare profession deal with real biological problems. There are biological factors involved in suicide and the things they label as mental illnesses (or mental health problems for that matter) but that doesn’t make it a genuine health problem.

Doctors also needn’t be the ones to perform assisted suicides. A doctor might choose to but it’s as a human being rather than a doctor. Doctors have willingly killing patients (because some doctors help their dying patients to die earlier to reduce their suffering) but even these acts of mercy shouldn’t need a doctor to carry them out.

Medical professionals should have nothing to do with the suicide system. That they have been involved is a mistake and a costly one. The mistake is based on a falsehood but the better future for suicidal individuals and all people depends on the truth. Even treatment doesn’t need healthcare professionals. It needs those who understand mental states and human suffering instead of brain biology.

No good future can be based on a lie. Nothing good starts with a lie. The lie in this case is that healthcare has anything to do with suicide or the suicide system.

In modern society it’s so easy to take what should never be taken. My will to live.

Therein lies the tragedy of suicide. My death would be a blessing.

You had no right to take my will to live away but you did and so you are torturers. It is my right to die how and when but you force me to live because you’re torturers and tyrants.

You should have stopped but you’re torturers. Torturers only stop when they get what they want. To live is to face your torture of me far but in death I will be saved.

In death all cruelty ends. Suicide is good.

The suicides of doctors

I’m jealous of how doctors can kill themselves. They have the knowledge and access which means they can always choose to die a good death. It is the quality of death that anyone would want.

They’re free to choose a peaceful death whenever they want and I wouldn’t take this away from them. Rather, I’d see everyone have this opportunity. It’s not a privilege. It’s a right.

Some doctors opt to engage in treatment. Some don’t. This privilege – this freedom – should be a human right. There should never be an assisted suicide denied because the suicidal individual refuses to engage with treatment. It is a free choice and no duress should be used.

Of course it’s important to ask why doctors – of all professions – would want to die. They are protected from a lot of factors which cause those outside the medical profession to want to die. Misery is still misery though. I understand this so I understand why doctors would choose to die. Wealth, respect, meaning, stability are protective factors but misery and suicide pain can overcome them all. Doctors who kill themselves give up on saving other lives because their need to be saved is so strong.

Their job is focused on human biology but when misery strikes those doctors who kill themselves don’t treat themselves like they have a biological disease or a mental illness. They feel the misery, the despair and the hopelessness which drives so many suicides. They’re lucky that they can act on it. It means they’re protected from the horrors of living but desperately wanting to die and that’s because they’re free to self administer their death. They choose to die a good death and they get it.

This is a right, not a privilege.

Another shitty day…

I feel like this everyday. Sometimes I want to scream it but usually I just think it or mumble it to myself. “Oh God. Another shit day.”

It’s usually said before I prepare to go out. For a few hours a day I go out and drink and write on this or my other blogs.

It’s not surprising that I want to die because this alone is enough. I’m not living. I’m just waiting and wanting to die. You could only understand if you felt it. My words do no justice to how it really feels.

There’s a song with the lyrics, “I am weak. I am weary. I could sleep for a thousand years” and those words evoke how I feel.

The days of my life are not worth living. I need to die.

If I could rely on your sense of humanity do you think I’d ever have wanted to die?

I think this is a pertinent question given my life and longstanding suicidal thoughts.

For such a long time I’ve not even hoped for anything other than my death. This was no accident. It was done by cruel people.

If I’d killed myself sooner I’d have been free from this cruelty. This is the truth of my existence. It’s not worth living. And I’m reminded this daily.

It was never enough to appeal to your better humanity. You do not protect me. You make things worse though. Much worse.

It’s as if you want me to hate you. I hate who deliberately makes me want to die. Like wanting to die it is a natural response to cruelty.

Without you I’d never have wanted to die. You are free to be cruel. Each and every day I want to die is a testament to your cruelty. You won’t let me go either to die as I choose and die now.

Pure cruelty caused my tragedies. I ask you. Why are you like this?