This is one of the curses of disability and diversity. Life has more suffering which is why disabled people are much more likely to want to die.
Severe personal suffering is a key component in the higher suicide rate for disabled people. They suffer much more than average people. Of course average people also suffer and will want to die. The key thing is the severe suffering and the profoundly personal nature.
It’s important that those who have never wanted to die understand the basic nature of the suicide response. It is to escape severe personal suffering in the present or in the future.
I’m being deeply reductive but I hope I’m communicating the essence of the legitimacy of the decision to die. When you suffer too much, too often for too long you will be desperate to stop suffering. It is more complicated of course but this is the essence.
I think most people who want to die or have died by suicide would wish that they’d never have been suicidal at all but the current suicide system isn’t based on what suicidal individuals want.
You won’t be indifferent when you find yourself suffering so much that you become suicidal. When this happens to you then everything I’ve written on this blog will matter to you.
So many people just don’t care and I admit I’d be one of them but for the cruelty I’ve been through.
I want to die and have suffered so much because I failed to kill myself. The cruelty in me wants more people to face what I’ve faced because extreme personal suffering is an excellent teaching method when it comes to suicide and the pro assisted suicide debate.
You’ll need everything I’ve talked about on this blog and more when you find yourself suffering an existence as wretched as mine. I shouldn’t hope that it happens to you but I’m cruel.
This list isn’t about treatment or validating certain reasons as OK for assisted suicide to be provided. The list is the beginning of a system focused on preventing people from ever becoming suicidal.
The list is the target of the necessary changes in society and culture which will prevent suicide in an ethical way. It is people, life, society and culture which ultimately cause the pervasive misery rather than any brain malfunction. A better system has to address these much greater challenges but it will do the right thing.
One of the many things which make me sad is the conventional wisdom on suicide.
Suicide is caused by extreme personal suffering. It is not a meaningless symptom of mental illness and mental illness is not a real thing anyway. Suicidal feelings means that the individual is going through or will go through unbearable personal suffering.
The false belief that suicidal individuals are sick because they’re suicidal is a deeply saddening misnomer which produces no empathy. The idea of mental illness is that the symptoms are spurious facets of dysfunctional brains so it has no meaning and it is fundamentally abnormal but this is simply not true.
It’s shitty people, shitty society, shitty culture and shitty lives which cause the suicidal feelings of people who are very miserable. It is the pervasive inequities in modern life which cause suicidal feelings, not abnormal brains.
And it is these inequities which need to be dealt with so individuals are protected from ever suffering so much that it is better for them to end their life.
If more people knew the pain then they’d understand the decision and support the option of assisted suicide to help the suicidal individual escape the extreme personal suffering they’re going through or in their future.
In particular it’s the psychological state where the individual wants to die but is forced to live which is extreme suffering and an unacceptable form of torment which is akin to torture. Unfortunately for all my efforts I’ve failed to convey even a fraction of the sense of suffering involved. My words fail to accurately describe how terrible it feels to want to die and how much worse the pain is for suicidal individuals who are forced to stay alive even though they’re desperate for their suffering to end.
I can only wish that you get personal experience of being suicidal but it’s surely a terrible thing to make you want to die.