The words “you should have killed me” are frequently stated on my blog. I wouldn’t say it if my suffering had stopped a long time ago. Instead I’ve lived because I failed to kill myself and my suffering has worsened.
I’ve been forced to endure so much unbearable suffering because I’ve failed to kill myself. The reasons are irrelevant. It’s the severity of my pain which matters to me and it was too much for me to endure. That’s why I have desperately wished I was dead so often in my wretched existence.
There is nothing humane about any of the things which have happened to me. That’s why suicide has been what I wished for. It’s why I’ve wanted to die for such a long time. But humanity have no humane responses to my agony.
I should have been helped to die instead of being forced to endure more unbearable suffering. But the human race is too cruel and evil to stop my suffering. They’re cruel and evil enough to make it worse. They have no mercy.
Hence the words “you should have killed me.” The “instead of worsening my suffering” is implicit because I wouldn’t need to say “you should have killed me” if my torture had stopped.
I’ve been hunting for the right words to describe the pain which causes suicidal feelings. “Unbearable suffering” is accurate but it doesn’t feel like these words evoke the terrible severity of the personal suffering which causes death to become a valuable solution. Torment and torture might be the right terms.
Terms aside, the personal suffering is extreme by the fact that the individual is willing to die to escape it. Unfortunately there is nothing else which has the power and effectiveness of suicide when it comes to giving suicidal individuals an end to their unbearable suffering.
It’s important for people who are against suicide to recognise what it can achieve which nothing else can. It’s important to recognise why suicidal individuals choose to die even though it’s a terrible cost. Suicidal individuals are willing to give up the rest of their life because their suffering is unbearable and suicide is the only guaranteed way to end their suffering.
Ultimately there must be other protections against unbearable suffering and other solutions for the rapid end of the extreme personal suffering than what the medicalised suicide system offers. Treatment consists of just drugs and words. This is a criminally inadequate response.
This direction of protection from suicidal suffering won’t happen through the medicalised suicide because doctors don’t think this way. In my mind they’ve thoroughly demonstrated that their profession is inadequate at guiding the right response to understanding that people can’t endure everything that happens to them. People are not beings with an infinite tolerance for pain. Everyone has a limit to what they can endure be it physical or psychological pain.
The beginnings of a better suicide system is the recognition of principles like those in the above paragraph. It begins by understanding what suicide is about and not believing that it’s a meaningless product of a brain defect or incompetent mind.
It begins with the recognition of why suicide is good. This is the basis which is currently absent because the medicalised suicide system wants zero successful suicide attempts. This zero suicides target is the hallmark of cruelty, a cruelty which pervades the medicalised suicide system and prevents the legalisation of assisted suicide.
Assisted suicide isn’t recognised as an act of mercy and the medicalised suicide system refuses to recognise the legitimacy of the choice a victim of unbearable suffering makes to die to escape their suffering.
It stops unbearable suffering. That’s why suicide is good and why assisted suicide is an act of mercy. There aren’t enough protections against such terrible suffering and some can’t be prevented or stopped.
Thankfully God has blessed everyone with the choice to end their life prematurely.